...to everyday life

Five Oaks U: "Spiritual Parenting"

Check out this promo video and read the description below.

Spiritual Parenting

It’s hard enough to train kids to behave, but good behavior isn’t what Jesus calls for in the Bible. He wants hearts and souls that are shaped in vibrant faith and love toward
God and others. How can parents cultivate this in their children? Spiritual Parenting is a six-part DVD series that empowers parents to be the primary nurturers of their children’s faith and teach them how to create a home environment that God can use to work in their children’s lives. Your family can be transformed when you learn how to create space for God-encounters in everyday life.

• Dates: Six Weeks - Sundays, Sept. 25, Oct. 2, 9, 16, 23, 30
• Time: 9:30am
• Location: Woodbury Campus
• Instructor: Dave Runion and Nicole Schwarz
• Cost: $15 per household
• Registration: Register by linking here
  

Faculty

Dave Runion has been at Five Oaks for approximately ten years and have served as volunteers in multiple capacities. As a Children’s Ministries teacher, small group leader and small group coach he has loved seeing kids and adults grow in their faith. He has been married to Emmy for 13 years. They have 3 children, Grace, Micah and Joey. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Dave gets the honor of walking alongside individuals and families through life’s journey. Co-teaching with David is Nicole Schwarz who is also a long time Five Oaks member who is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

Kids in the Weekend Service

Our parenting conference speaker made his case for for families worshiping together a few weeks ago and I've been meaning to add my two cents. Our boys attended adult worship services most of their lives, and it didn't make them hate going to church. I'm not sure it helped them either. I think a lot depends on your kids and on your parenting style or skills.

So I think it's a great idea for many (but not all) families, but only if...

• Your kids are also attending their weekend small group (i.e., Sunday School) so that they can learn, grow and fellowship at their own level. You can go to the service together and then you (the parents) can serve the other hour while your kids are in their small group.
• Your kids are not constantly distracting you. If you are the primary spiritual director in your child's life (and you are), it's not a good idea for you to put your spiritual growth on hold until your slightly to very hyperactive child grows up. 
• Your kids are not distracting the people around you. Sorry, but constant movement and even cute noise is distracting.

I just read an article by a pastor from a church that doesn't ever allow kids in their services. He gives five reasons that I think can be remedied in other ways. But here are his reasons for your consideration:

1. Children learn at their level - Appropriate topics are given at appropriate ages and presented in appropriate methods for their particular stage of development.
2. Children like church - How many people do you meet that say they hate church because their parents forced them and it was boring? Why do that to your kids? Don't you want them to learn about Jesus AND enjoy it?
3. It allows parents to worship/learn undistracted - Our conviction is that the parent is more responsible for the spiritual development of a child than the church, so we need to make sure parents are being edified and encouraged in God's Word. This is much easier when they're not trying to keep their children pacified or entertained during service.
4. It allows people throughout the service, both seekers and disciples alike, to focus on the experience rather than being distracted by crying, fussing, or bored kids.
5. It frees the pastor to discuss "adult" topics without having to filter things for young ears. I don't mean this allows me to cuss, but it does allow me to discuss serious things like sex without having kids hear things they are not ready for yet. [We try to warn parents when the topic is PG or PG-13, but it's not easy to always remember.]

Five Oaks Survival Manual - Make Your Kids Go to "Church"

That's a message you'll hear at Five Oaks. Make them go to church or youth group or Young Life...something or anything that helps you help them find God or mature as followers of Christ. That's what I mean when I say "make them go to church." And I'm talking about teens here. (I've yet to meet a family that leaves their elementary kids home when they say they don't want to go to church.) 

Yes, there are exceptions to that message. When your teen is struggling in life so much that you no longer make them go to school (or they have to go to an alternative school), that's one of the points when it might not make sense to make them go to church. Or when your spouse doesn't attend and won't support you in this, that can make it almost impossible. Or if you come to Christ when your kids are already in their teen years and have been raised in a completely secular household up to that point, that may be an exception in some cases. There certainly are many comparable situations.

And how much better it is for your kids to want to go to church, right? In most cases, if you love God, love and serve in your church and live out your faith at home,  your kids will want to attend their youth group. Yes, there are many exceptions to this as well.

But if you make your kids go to school because you value education, you make them get a job because you value developing a work ethic, you make them play in sports (or sing in choir or play an instrument) because you value developing a well-rounded life...then how can you not make them participate in a youth group somewhere or attend church as a family?

I've never heard someone say, "I don't want to make my kids go to school when they don't want to because I don't want them to be turned off to education." But I've heard that way too many times regarding church. If you value your kid's relationship with Christ and their eternal life as much as you value those other things, then by all means, make your kid go to church.

Visionary Parenting Conference Pictures

Nearly 150 parents gathered on Friday evening and Saturday morning for the Visionary Parenting conference at Five Oaks. From what I heard, it was a great conference. The evaluations were stellar with people saying things like, "life changing knowledge," "the speaker was engaging and fun," "practical, Bible-based, AWESOME!"

Here are some of the pictures from the weekend. You can take a look at a whole lot more at http://bit.ly/hlVk0O. Thanks, Davin, for the great pictures. And thank you, Jeni and volunteer team, for all the work you did to pull this off with such excellence

Converstations or Arguments?

Do you and your kids have conversations about issues and decisions you make or arguments? Todd Stocker and his high school son Nathan are leading a seminar this Sunday morning at Five Oaks Woodbury that helps parents and teens talk and develop discernment skills. The seminar is about music choices, but Todd says it's really about so much more. It's about communication and thinking. Parents, come to this with your pre-teen or teen. Todd spoke this last June in our services, so you know this will be engaging.

The Seminar is called "Infinite Playlists: How to have conversation (not conflict) about music." Todd and Nathan have authored a book with the same title available on Amazon. It's a one-hour seminar offered at 9:30 and at 11:00 (choose one) in the Community Life Center of the Woodbury Campus this Sunday.

 

Tru

Tru is our new Children's Ministry elementary curriculum that includes three elements I'm so excited about:

• Stations for worship engagement
• The meta-story of the Bible is being taught (a framework and foundation for Bible reflection and study all their lives)
• Parent compenent for spiritual formation in the home

So here's one parents story from this last week in an email to Jeni Carlson, Director of Children's Ministry, and her team.

...Just wanted you to know that my boys and I spent some time this morning making the "mini deep dish pizzas"...it was so much fun.  ...We were so busy following directions that I forgot to "tell a good story" along with it...but the other ministry ideas in the current packet (that my daughter brings home) has been incorporated throughout our week. 

I really appreciate the tools you are providing for our children.  And it's even more wonderful b/c as a homeschooling mother, it gives me something to look forward to for our bible lessons and I know it's right in sync with what our church is teaching at the same time.  I feel much better eqipped to address important biblical topics like the one this week in "storytelling" about how to begin a true relationship with Him.  My daugher had no idea what that meant and she appeared to really internalize that story.
 
So, thank you so much.  You are doing a wonderful job and I wanted you to know it!

 

A Bigger "Yes," Compartmentalization and Integration

This last weekend I talked about our hurried lives and the bigger "yes" of God's Kingdom that leads to saying "no" to lesser things. I'm absolutely convinced that too many Christians we're endangering the faith of their kids by pushing faith building family and church priorities to the periphery of their lives.

But there's another answer to hurriedness that is endangering the faith of our kids: compartmentalize less and integrate more. Here's a simple example of what I mean and then a caveat.

An example: What if, you while you were on the sidelines of the practice or game field, you regularly looked for and prayed for opportunities to be a witness for Christ to other parents on the sideline? And what if you regularly prayed with your kids for opportunities for them to do likewise with their teammates? What if you regularly challenged your kids to be Daniels--that is, to work hard at their sport as a witness to their commitment to Christ?

But here's a caveat: Don't think that you will succeed at integrating the spiritual into all areas of your life if you don't take time to develop your relationship with God privately and corporately with other believers. That's why saying "no" more often and integrating the spiritual and both/and propositions.

Practical Training for Parents

Dave Runion will be leading a four-week parenting class that will explore "Boundaries with Kids: When to Say 'Yes', When to Say 'No' to Help Your Children Gain Control of Their Lives." This class starts May 23 (Sunday) and will meet during the 11 am service at the Woodbury campus in room 101. If you are interested in attending, email me and I'll pass it on or mark your worship program.

Kingdom First in the Home

What does it look like to put God's kingdom priorities first in your home and in your parenting? I put a challenge out this last weekend but didn't get into what this looks like. What does it look like?

More than anything else, I think it means that mom and dad are actively and intentionally growing in their faith. So mom and dad are connecting with other believers in worship, fellowship and service. They are deepening by reading and reflecting on Scripture daily, praying and growing in greater obedience to God. Do your kids ever catch you having your personal devotions? They are impacting the world for Christ by sharing their faith, helping the under resourced and participating in Christ's world-wide mission.

When God's kingdom priorities are first in the home, the kids know it because it works its way into the calendar. Saying "no" to lots of lesser priorities is made easier by a big, fat "YES" to God's greater priorities. Parents make sure the kids are being exposed to great children and student ministries, including VBS, camps and conferences that help them make key decisions in their lives and drive home the content and relevance of God's Word to their lives.

It shows up in spending. Kids hear things like, "We're driving to Florida for our vacation instead of flying and giving the difference in cost to our Haiti mission." That's what one family did this spring at Five Oaks! Have your kids ever heard you say you'll forgo something you want for the sake of giving more away for God's kingdom?

It shows up in gentleness, kindness and peace. If your faith is strident and unattractive, good luck getting your kids to follow Christ. Look at the fruit of the Spirit. Anyone parent exhibiting this fruit will more likely reap great spiritual fruit in their kids. 

If an objective observer in your home wouldn't have a clue that God's kingdom is your priority in parenting, start growing. If you need to know more about growing, attend the 101, 201 and 301 seminars as they are offered. Don't wait. Your kids are growing up really fast. 

Protecting Your Kids

Great post by Tim Stevens from Granger Church on his blog. He's one of my favorite bloggers.

If You Don’t Protect Your Kids in the Digital World–Who Will?

Our kids are growing up in a different world. Here are a few things we do (or have done) to keep our kids safe…

• Internet filtering – Curiosity killed the cat and can do great harm to kids as well. We have used different products to filter and monitor our kids internet activities. Monitoring tells us where they are going. Filtering keeps bad stuff away that could hurt them. Currently we are using Family Safety which is a free add-on product that we have loaded on every computer they access. Not only can we restrict sites based on our values–we can also monitor what sites are capturing their attention. And we can change (ease) these restrictions as they get older.
• Computer game time — on a school day, they get 30  minutes of electronic game time (whether computer, Wii, Xbox, iPod, whatever). On non-school days, they get an hour. This limit forces them (mostly the boys) to find other things to do. They all love reading, and I think that is partially because we haven’t allowed their time to be monopolized by staring at a screen.
• Cell Phone privileges - we didn’t get cell phones for our teens until they were in 9th grade. Why then? Because that is when it became inconvenient to us that they didn’t have one. It was never really a safety issue–in middle school there was always a friend nearby who had a phone they could borrow.
• Cell Phone Limits – this is about helping them stay in the present and not always being pulled away into other conversations. Our cell phones have unlimited text messaging, but we actually pay an additional fee (called “Smart Limits” by AT&T) to limit the number of text messages and the time of day it works for phone calls (other than to us, of course).
• iPod Touch restrictions – our 7th grade son saved his money for a long time until he was able to buy an iPod Touch. The first thing I did was took it, enabled the “restrictions” feature, locked it out from Safari (internet surfing) and YouTube, set a password, and gave it back to him. I don’t need my adolescent son walking around with a pocket full of temptation.
• Email monitoring - when they first got email privileges, I restricted their incoming messages to an approved list to protect them from child predators. After awhile, I lifted that restriction but continued to monitor all their incoming and outgoing email. As the teens are getting older and more responsible, I’ve gone from 1) Monitor everything, to 2) Monitor occasionally, to 3) “You know I can monitor it if I want,” to 4) I trust you.
• Facebook monitoring – similar to email, we monitored all of their Facebook activity when they first began using it (around 8th grade). Then it was “as needed.”
• TV time — the biggest blessing to parents has been the invention of the DVR (or TIVO). Our kids don’t channel surf. There is no reason. We just keep the DVR stacked with shows that won’t hurt their hearts (which, of course, changes as they age). They get a limited time to watch, and when they do they can skip commercials (which saves time AND limits the consumer mentality from taking over). Parents: Think of a DVR as a parenting tool, not a tech gadget.

I haven’t even talked about the content of movies or shows, but the bottom line: You are the parent. If you don’t protect them from the digital world, who will? At the same time, if you don’t prepare them to live in a digital world without your oversight, who will? I am constantly doing the countdown: I know I have 17 months left to prepare Heather to totally stand on her own in the world. So we are constantly reevaluating our limits and lifting them as she is ready. It’s fun to go to the kids and say, “You’ve been doing great, making good choices. I’m going to ease the restriction in this area because I think you can handle it now.”